Cambodia looks like.... Cambodia

Cambodia, at times, is hard bloody work. Intercity travel is uncomfortable, the non-stop hassle is frustrating, the 38 degree heat can be unbearable, the use of 3 different currencies is confusing and the dollar sign that every westerner seemingly has tattooed on their forehead means that you have to keep your wits about you. Definitely NOT a trip for the faint-hearted.

The people of Cambodia are both its greatest asset and it's most aggravating drawback. From the second you set foot in this country you become some kind of bloated cash cow that the natives try to milk as hard as they can, before they pass you to some friend or family member for further de-dollarment.

The scams begin at the border. Poipet is a modern day wild west frontier town, chocked full of casinos and unscrupulous individuals keen to relieve you of a buck or 50. Even the officials are at it. On crossing the border from Thailand, a 30 day visa costs $20 or 100 baht, of course the current exchange rate makes $20 worth about 800 baht so the men in uniform insist you pay in baht, even though they are sitting under a big sign that clearly states the cost is $20 - where do you think that extra 200 baht goes?

Unfortunately I only had a couple of hundred baht left, so after a lengthy argument in which I insisted that I was not about to walk back to the Thai side to change my dollars into baht he finally capitulated.

"OK, $20" he said. I thanked him and handed over the money. "And 100 baht" he added with the smug look of victory reserved only for those in officialdom. Bastard.

Once in Poipet you are harangued by taxi drivers, insisting that there are no more buses today and eager to rip you off on a $50 ride to Siem Reap, but we were wise to this one and fought our way through to the bus station to take a $10 a head mini-bus instead. The road from Poipet to Siem Reap is widely regarded as the worst in Cambodia - and believe me, that's saying something! Our only comfort during the 100 mile, 5 hour bumpfest was that our 10 seater van only had 5 passengers. Our driver told us we were very lucky as on the last trip he had managed to get 15 in there!

We eventually arrived at 9pm, when the bus station was apparently "closed". The only place our driver would take us was "his friend's" guesthouse (it pays drivers commission to bring it fresh blood), but this scam turned out to be alright as the rooms were nice and $8 a night seemed reasonable - at least until I found out that everybody else was paying $5, but a small scream up soon resolved that!

Siem Reap is the gateway to the biggest religious site in the world, the temples of Angkor Wat. The temples are truly amazing. Angkor Thom comprises of about a hundred sites spread over roughly 50km, but only 20 or so are essential viewing so we bought a 3 day pass and commissioned the traditional local transport - a 2 seater carriage pulled along by a moped.

Most of the temples are 800-1200 years old and are in various states of disrepair. Angkor Wat, the biggest and most famous of them all, is virtually undamaged, but Ta Phrom (used in the film Tombraider) is partly reclaimed by the jungle and has an amazing atmosphere due to the trees that grow around and through it's ruins.

However, such incredible historical importance was, rather predictably, soon wasted on us and half way through day 2 we had had enough of climbing up and down hundreds of giant steps in near 40 degree heat. Also,as is to be expected I suppose, each site is patrolled by a small army of tat sellers who actually start running towards you even before your moped chariot has stopped.

"You wan cold drink?" is whined at you at least 100 times a day, regardless of whether you are carrying one or more bottles of water at the time or not. Other favourite sales pitches include:

"You wan silk scarf, 2 for one dollaaaar"
"You wan pineapple, just one dollaaaar"
"You wan postcards, 10 for one dollaaar"
"You wan guide book, this book one dollaaaar"
And my personal favourite, just plain old "You give me one dollaaaar"

The sheer persistence of the people, most of whom are aged between 6 and 20, is mind blowing. The simply do not give up until you either buy something or are pulling away on your tuk-tuk. However, look a little closer and you can see that it is all a game to them. You can see groups of them cracking up as they deliberately torment short-tempered tourists. Other hilarious gags include the classic "You wan one dollaaar?", and "You wan small baby, just one dollaaar?" as someone tries to thrust their baby sister into your arms. At least I hope its a joke.

By day 3 all the sites started to look the same, and visits had deteriorated into going in, finding some shade, having a cigarette and going out. We had finished by lunchtime, relieved that we hadn't bought a one week pass.

Anyway, it turns out that the centre of Siem Reap is a dusty, rubble strewn slum that is impossible for the western face to stroll about in peace and by now enough was enough so we decided to leave for Phnom Penh early the next morning, giving us plenty of time to catch the last connecting bus from there down to the coast. Obviously, this being Cambodia, the driver managed to turn a 4 hour drive into a 6 hour drive, in the process ensuring that we had to pay twice as much to take a private mini-van down to Sihanoukville. We later found out that the mini-van companies pay the driver a commission to turn up late - surprise surprise.

Sihanoukville is as close to the Costa-del Cambodia as you are going to get, it's no Thailand, but it's pleasant enough. By all accounts the best thing to do is to visit a few of the local islands, but we didn't really have time for this so we just chilled out in and around our guesthouse on Weather Station Hill. It turned out that the owner wanted a website, so I spent a couple of days sorting that out for him in return for free food, beer and accommodation - result!

Before long, we were heading back to Phnom Penh. At this point let me just say something about Cambodia's capital city: I have been to such cities as Bangkok, Havana and Cairo, but never in all my days have I been witness to traffic chaos on the scale of Phnom Penh.

Cambodians are supposed to drive on the right, but in practice they drive wherever they damn well please! Thousands of mopeds swarm in and out of bigger traffic on both sides of the road, in any direction. They drive on the pavement, the pull out of side roads without warning and they consider roundabouts nothing more than an inconvenience. There are no traffic lights here, and so watching a major crossroads is like watching one of those high speed criss-cross maneuvers you see performed by motorcycle display teams - except here, nobody is wearing a crash helmet, there could be anything up to 4 people on one moped and they are most definitely not just going one at a time. Being on the back of a tuk-tuk in these conditions is a genuinely nerve-wracking experience!

As I said earlier, to the foreigner Cambodians have a split personality. You can guarantee that within 5 minutes of meeting one, he or she will have made at least one attempt to extract a few dollars from you, and during the last 5 minutes he or she will try hard to pass you to a friend or family member anywhere in the country who can provide you with whatsoever service you next require. However, in an attempt to finish on a positive note, once you have parted with some cash and the pressure is off, 99% of Cambodians are the most incredibly friendly, funny, polite, helpful, conversational and generally warm people you could ever hope to meet.

As for the other 1%, they are the ones in uniform.